Khartoum Tales: Happiness is .. being thankful for all that you have

I just found out that someone still talks about me despite me being so far away. "She's just obsessed about you, woman," a friend gushed.

I really don't understand why. We don't meet anymore. We hardly communicate. Setakat "like" each other's photos and status on Facebook. Tu pun, sparingly.. sebab I hardly post anything on Facebook (I mean, I don't update it daily).

I takde niat langsung nak kacau hidup dia. We have common friends, but I hardly even talk about her with our friends. I mean, she's a friend lah.. we had our moments.. our gelak-gelak session etc.. tapi tu je lah. Oh yeah, we had our kecik-hati moments.. but that was it.

We never fought for the same man (unless she also has feelings for the guys yang I'm close to and she's envious because of that, I tak tahu lah..). Takde niat langsung di hati I nak rosakkan rumahtangga dia or her life.. so why the obsession about me?

Heh. Or maybe I yang perasan kot.. hahahah...

And then last night, another friend told me about someone who's so rich.. tapi masih tak gembira. Masih ada macam tak kena.

Oh well. Take it from me, who went through depression when I couldn't walk at 25. Take it from me who even begged God to take away my life because I didn't know how to live as a cacat person.

Oh.. that was 12 years ago. When I was naive and jahil and I didn't know the secret to being happy.

Well... to me, being happy is just being contented with life. And happiness comes from within. When you are happy, there's a certain glow about you. Positivity begets positivity, I believe.

Of course, what is life without problems and issues. Oh and I have plenty, really. But I try to see the beautiful side of things too. Yes, for every one person who annoys me, there are others who will make me smile.

Being happy means you live the way you want to live. You raise your family according to how you want to raise your family. You do what you want to do, without trying to impress other people.

So yeah, I'm not into expensive handbags. So why should I swipe my credit card (and take months to pay them off) just to see you gush with envy for maybe 5 minutes at my new handbag? So I'm supposed to berhutang to make you all envious?

And the travels that I do.. those were not done to tell everyone that I can afford to travel. Those were done because I love going to new places and seeing new things. I think God created a beautiful world.. with beautiful people. I get inspired when I travel. Heck, I decided to 'berhijab' because I was inspired to see mat sallehs donning the hijab in London!

We all seek happiness in our own different ways. We all learn in different ways too.

Yeah, I post pictures of my travels on Facebook.. tiada tujuan untuk berlagak.. but to tell some people that I'm fine. When I travel alone, my parents get worried. So I post smiley pictures on Facebook to tell them that I'm having fun and they don't have to worry so much.

On my last trip, I traveled with my parents and my cousin sister and while I don't have to tell my parents that I'm ok, my cousin brother needed to know that his sister is safe (since his sister doesn't have a Facebook account).

Plus, it's always nice to put beautiful pictures of the places that I have visited, in hoping to inspire my friends to visit those places too.

Sigh. Ntah lah. It is still sad when you know that you have friends who still see you as a competition (or maybe I yang perasan, again?). Really, I shouldn't be a competition to anyone. I am a firm believer of self-competing. You set goals for the things that will please you, not others.

Plus, no point competing with me pun. I don't drive a fancy car, my bank account isn't anything to shout about, I don't have a handsome man whom I can boast of (heck, apart from my dad, I don't even have a man, handsome or otherwise.. haha), I am not a successful career lady or a CEO of a Company.. I ni biasa je. So kenapa nak marah I or be envious of me? I so don't understand.

Heh. Tak kisah lah. I shouldn't worry about it too much. Worrying makes a person looks older than his / her age. And that is my observation lah. Happy people who always talk fun stuff and are always smiling genuinely (and bukan paksa-paksa) somehow selalu look younger than their age.

So yeah. Whatever. I live my life the way I want.

Oh.. by the way, I do stalk my friends on Facebook or blogs. Heh. But more so because I want to see how well they are doing in life. It makes me understand them better too. Sometimes, I am inspired by their life journey (I have an old colleague right now who is enjoying her life in the jungles of Borneo... so best to read her daily journal at the kampung) and sometimes, I see their travel pictures and would make a mental note that if I have the money, I would like to go there too. Macam I have another old colleague who took a picture with a tiger in Tanzania.. a real tiger! And I'm like woaaaahhh.. I'd definitely want a picture with a tiger in Africa! :)

And yeah, sometimes I'm thankful for the nice quotes and religious stuff that my friends post on Facebook. A reminder for me to always try to be a better person.

So.. to the girl who is obsessed with me.. well.. I bear no ill-feelings. I lamented about you to a few friends (actually 2 people to be exact).. sebab when I found out tu, I rasa rimas. I thought we've gone through those rough patches and we've started anew. (Tapi lament pun, cam 3 lines kat Whatsapp lah.. heheh.. takde lah meleret-leret cerita pun..)

I guess it's you who are still reminded by the past. Which is a pity, because I've definitely moved on.Rest assured, I'm planning to forget this episode too. Heh. It's okay lah if you still want to bitch about me to our friends, I tak kisah pun. Sebab if they are my friends and if they know me well enough, their perception of me wouldn't change despite what you tell them.

But I do hope that you will find your happiness. Sebab you do have kids and they will learn from you. I'm sure you want them to grow up in a happy home. I'm sure you want to teach them the right values.. kan? (And again, 'right values' here is based on our own definitions sebab what is right to you, might be wrong to me..)

Anyway, I'm still thankful that we met.. We had our moments and I just want to remember that. The times we laughed so much till we cried. The times you stood by me when I needed a friend most. Because to me, you looked really beautiful back then..Heh. And no lah, I wouldn't take you out of my Facebook.. but if I really do bother you that much, yeah, by all means, go ahead and 'unfriend' me. :)

Okay lah. Enough ranting about people. Baik rant about my visit to this school in Khartoum semalam. That was awesome. Met so many beautiful kids. I had fun.. and here are the pictures..