It's one of the rare days where I wish I was back home in Malaysia. In fact, Nik and I had this conversation pagi tadi. "Apsal lah kita gatal sangat nak minta posting ni," he said. (Of all people, Nik can't complain much cuz he's in Iraq and they have a 28-28 deal. He spends 28 days in Iraq and 28 days in Malaysia.)
But I guess, he misses his kids.. especially since today is Father's Day. And I guess it's depressing to get messages from your kids, when they are so far away from you.
Which made me wonder.. How does my dad feel about Father's Day ni. I sent some tea and biscuits and flowers to the house semalam.. and we spoke briefly on the phone.. He seems alright. But then again, I know my dad. He ALWAYS seems alright.
I remember when the doctors told me that I had to go for my spinal surgery. My dad was really calm. And he was really calm in the mornings of the two spinal surgeries I had too. He never told me of the complications. Instead, he told me that everything's gonna be alright.
And even when I crashed my car about 2 years ago, he was very calm about it. "It's okay about the car. As long as you are alright. And Ayul is with you? Good. Get Ayul to send you back." That was all he said. And I was glad. You know during times like that, the last thing I wanna do is explain how I got into the accident in the first place. Maybe when things are calmer, you would want to share your story.. but not when it barely happened a few minutes ago.
Oh yes. My ayah was definitely a calm person. So calm that even when he found out that I was having an affair with a married man, he didn't scream or shout or slap me in the face (as I truly deserved). Instead, he and mum took me to the park and told me how disappointed he was, with me.
It was the worst moment of my life. Knowing you have disappointed someone who loves you and has always been there for you.
"You've always had your father during Raya and birthdays and all. And now you want to deprive some kids of their father? You never had to share me (except with your sister) and now you want those kids to share their father with you? How could you?" The words were very painful.. so painful that I remember it till today.
And before we left the park, he told me: "Selagi ayah masih hidup.. and even when I am no longer around, I will never allow my daughter to rampas laki or bapak orang."
Needless to say, married men remained the least desirable to me. Of course, it's always fun flirting with married men.. for they know the right things to say to make you go all weak in the knees. But honestly, I'd rather be an old spinster (and die alone and single, as my sister had once said) than be with someone who has "other commitments".
Oh well. That's my dad. The dad who bathed me when I was bedridden at 25. The man who held my hands and taught me how to walk again after my second spinal surgery.. when I thought I would be wheel-chair bound for the rest of my life. This was the man who made me wake up at 6 in the morning just so I could walk on the morning dew. "It'll strengthen your legs. Have faith and you'll walk again in no time," he said. And true enough, I walked again after a few weeks.
So yeah.. I wonder how he feels now.. having a daughter who's just so far away. Just about 11 years ago, this particular daughter was struggling to walk.. and now she's going places and has visited almost every continent in the world.
Cuma satu lah. I know my daddy's worried for me. He knows he's not going to be around for me, forever.. and he's so hoping that I'd find someone who can take care of me. He doesn't say it much.. but I know he's worried. He knows I have a bad back and weak legs. He knows that these problems will catch up on me as I grow older and he knows that he's probably not gonna be around when it happens. So he's always hoping that I'd find someone who can care for me, like he did.
He doesn't say it much.. about me still being single. In fact, he's always defensive of me when someone brings up the marriage issue and me being 'anak dara tua'. But I know he's worried, because he's a dad.
Sigh. Sometimes, I wish I can tell him that God has plans for me. And He will take care of me, even when no one else will. Kan? But I know he's still worried.
Oh well. We can't have everything in life.. and memang, segalanya dah tertulis. Ajal, rezeki dan jodoh semua di tangan Tuhan. We can only hope and pray for the best.
Anyway ayah.. if I don't say it often enough... I love you. But you know that already kan...? ;) Happy Daddy's Day..
ps./ I don't see Daddy's Day as following the Christians ke apa. I think it's just a day where you honor the most important man in your life. It's just a special day for you to celebrate and spoil your dad.. and make him feel special.
But I guess, he misses his kids.. especially since today is Father's Day. And I guess it's depressing to get messages from your kids, when they are so far away from you.
Which made me wonder.. How does my dad feel about Father's Day ni. I sent some tea and biscuits and flowers to the house semalam.. and we spoke briefly on the phone.. He seems alright. But then again, I know my dad. He ALWAYS seems alright.
I remember when the doctors told me that I had to go for my spinal surgery. My dad was really calm. And he was really calm in the mornings of the two spinal surgeries I had too. He never told me of the complications. Instead, he told me that everything's gonna be alright.
And even when I crashed my car about 2 years ago, he was very calm about it. "It's okay about the car. As long as you are alright. And Ayul is with you? Good. Get Ayul to send you back." That was all he said. And I was glad. You know during times like that, the last thing I wanna do is explain how I got into the accident in the first place. Maybe when things are calmer, you would want to share your story.. but not when it barely happened a few minutes ago.
Oh yes. My ayah was definitely a calm person. So calm that even when he found out that I was having an affair with a married man, he didn't scream or shout or slap me in the face (as I truly deserved). Instead, he and mum took me to the park and told me how disappointed he was, with me.
It was the worst moment of my life. Knowing you have disappointed someone who loves you and has always been there for you.
"You've always had your father during Raya and birthdays and all. And now you want to deprive some kids of their father? You never had to share me (except with your sister) and now you want those kids to share their father with you? How could you?" The words were very painful.. so painful that I remember it till today.
And before we left the park, he told me: "Selagi ayah masih hidup.. and even when I am no longer around, I will never allow my daughter to rampas laki or bapak orang."
Needless to say, married men remained the least desirable to me. Of course, it's always fun flirting with married men.. for they know the right things to say to make you go all weak in the knees. But honestly, I'd rather be an old spinster (and die alone and single, as my sister had once said) than be with someone who has "other commitments".
Oh well. That's my dad. The dad who bathed me when I was bedridden at 25. The man who held my hands and taught me how to walk again after my second spinal surgery.. when I thought I would be wheel-chair bound for the rest of my life. This was the man who made me wake up at 6 in the morning just so I could walk on the morning dew. "It'll strengthen your legs. Have faith and you'll walk again in no time," he said. And true enough, I walked again after a few weeks.
So yeah.. I wonder how he feels now.. having a daughter who's just so far away. Just about 11 years ago, this particular daughter was struggling to walk.. and now she's going places and has visited almost every continent in the world.
Cuma satu lah. I know my daddy's worried for me. He knows he's not going to be around for me, forever.. and he's so hoping that I'd find someone who can take care of me. He doesn't say it much.. but I know he's worried. He knows I have a bad back and weak legs. He knows that these problems will catch up on me as I grow older and he knows that he's probably not gonna be around when it happens. So he's always hoping that I'd find someone who can care for me, like he did.
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| source: postsecret.blogspot.com (And yes, I am afraid too.. sigh..) |
He doesn't say it much.. about me still being single. In fact, he's always defensive of me when someone brings up the marriage issue and me being 'anak dara tua'. But I know he's worried, because he's a dad.
Sigh. Sometimes, I wish I can tell him that God has plans for me. And He will take care of me, even when no one else will. Kan? But I know he's still worried.
Oh well. We can't have everything in life.. and memang, segalanya dah tertulis. Ajal, rezeki dan jodoh semua di tangan Tuhan. We can only hope and pray for the best.
Anyway ayah.. if I don't say it often enough... I love you. But you know that already kan...? ;) Happy Daddy's Day..
ps./ I don't see Daddy's Day as following the Christians ke apa. I think it's just a day where you honor the most important man in your life. It's just a special day for you to celebrate and spoil your dad.. and make him feel special.
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