A friend 'whatsapped' me tadi to tell me her wedding's off. She was supposed to get married in December and has been dating the guy for almost 2 years, I think.
Stupid part is, I'm pretty sure he loves her. He just cannot accept the fact that she has a more successful career.
Instead of talking it out with her, he told her that he cannot "handle" her.*Sigh*
It sounds all too familiar. I have had someone commented that I ni "susah nak dijaga". One ex-boyfriend said that "he cannot keep up with my lifestyle".
Which is sad. Because the said ex-boyfriend memang baik orangnya.. (now I've always dated nice, kind men.. heheh). Well anyway, this ex-boyfriend felt inferior sebab he is earning much less than me. And he's straddled with debts too. So he thinks he is "not good enough" to take care of me. Plus, he knows I love to travel.. so he feels that he could never provide enough for me.
What he doesn't know... is this:
1. Yes, I travel a lot.. but I travel cheap. You wouldn't believe how el-cheapo I can be. I spent 350 pounds in London for a week. This includes makan-makan, train tickets, simcard, souvenir and masuk all the touristy places - Madame Toussauds, Tower of London, London Eye etc. Orang pergi London to shop.. well.. I only shopped for chocolates at the M&Ms museum. Oh.. and my most expensive purchase was the Arsenal jersey (yang siap ngan nama I), which cost 45 pounds. Point is, I memang lah suka travel.. tapi I taklah spend so much when I travel..
2. I'm not very ambitious - not career-wise, that is. In fact, I intend to slow down once I start a family. I want to be like my mum. I grew up always having my mummy around. Yes, there were moments where she would leave me with the sitter sebab she had to go to work... but most times of my growing up years, she was always around. Especially when I was younger. I started reading at 4.. but that's because I have a mummy who would sit on the swing with me and read and sing to me. I grew up with so much love. Not that I didn't get scoldings.. but mummy was always around. Now if (when) I become a mum, I would want to be like my mummy. Of course, I don't think I can dok rumah 24/7, but I dah berangan nak do part-time teaching and part-time writing so that I can still be in touch with the society. Point is, I don't mind taking part-time jobs and earning much, much less than what I am earning now.. just so I can devote more time for my hubby and kids. (Actually this is the only reason why I did my Master's and now, PhD.. it's just so that I can someday do part-time teaching, thanks to my string of degrees, insya Allah..)
3. I am loyal.. and submissive. I grew up in an environment where women are to be protected and men are to be respected. My mum never fails to salam tangan and kiss my dad every day sebelum dia pergi kerja dulu. It's like a habit for us too. My sister and I were trained to salam and kiss our parents before we go anywhere. Insya Allah, if (when) I have a hubby, I will do the same to my hubby. Maybe sebab tu I manja kot.. sebab I expect men to take care of me. My parents selalu pesan... setinggi mana pun pelajaran atau gaji, we should never bongkak atau think we are better than our partner.
So after all these, there are still men who think I ni "susah nak dijaga"? I bet they think I lead a fancy lifestyle.. earning big bucks (thanks to oil money)... asyik travel sana sini.. jetsetter lah katakan. Kan?
What they don't know is that I travel because it makes me happy. It's short term happiness.. because I am only happy during that duration when I travel. I don't have little children running to me and calling me "mummy". I don't have a hubby waiting for me in the evenings to listen to my office grouses.
So apa salahnya I find my happiness every few months kan?
Okay.. back to my friend.. I know she's facing the same problem. She can't help it that she earns more than him. But really, if you ask me, she wouldn't mind sharing what she has, with him. She may be loud and opinionated, but she knows where to draw the line. Her jokes are silly and crude.. but she definitely knows when to say them. Point is, she knows when to keep her mouth shut. She's tactful and polite and humble, even though she comes from a well-to-do family.
It's just too bad that the guy doesn't see it like that. Like it's just too bad that some of the men I've met, think I'm a spoilt, high maintenance brat.
Sigh...
But everything happens for a reason kan.. and I do believe that jodoh memang di tangan Tuhan. If dia ada jodoh di dunia ni, then she will meet a guy who will accept her for who she is..
So babe, don't be too sad ok? Heartbreaks are part of growing up, I guess. And over time, you will realize that marriage isn't always about the warm, fuzzy feeling. As you grow older, you will realize that you just want to marry someone who makes you smile. Someone who makes you a better person. Someone who wants you to be the mother of his kids.
Take care ok? And yes, as cliche as it may sound, it's his loss babe, for letting you go. Love you loads. xoxo.
Stupid part is, I'm pretty sure he loves her. He just cannot accept the fact that she has a more successful career.
Instead of talking it out with her, he told her that he cannot "handle" her.*Sigh*
It sounds all too familiar. I have had someone commented that I ni "susah nak dijaga". One ex-boyfriend said that "he cannot keep up with my lifestyle".
Which is sad. Because the said ex-boyfriend memang baik orangnya.. (now I've always dated nice, kind men.. heheh). Well anyway, this ex-boyfriend felt inferior sebab he is earning much less than me. And he's straddled with debts too. So he thinks he is "not good enough" to take care of me. Plus, he knows I love to travel.. so he feels that he could never provide enough for me.
What he doesn't know... is this:
1. Yes, I travel a lot.. but I travel cheap. You wouldn't believe how el-cheapo I can be. I spent 350 pounds in London for a week. This includes makan-makan, train tickets, simcard, souvenir and masuk all the touristy places - Madame Toussauds, Tower of London, London Eye etc. Orang pergi London to shop.. well.. I only shopped for chocolates at the M&Ms museum. Oh.. and my most expensive purchase was the Arsenal jersey (yang siap ngan nama I), which cost 45 pounds. Point is, I memang lah suka travel.. tapi I taklah spend so much when I travel..
2. I'm not very ambitious - not career-wise, that is. In fact, I intend to slow down once I start a family. I want to be like my mum. I grew up always having my mummy around. Yes, there were moments where she would leave me with the sitter sebab she had to go to work... but most times of my growing up years, she was always around. Especially when I was younger. I started reading at 4.. but that's because I have a mummy who would sit on the swing with me and read and sing to me. I grew up with so much love. Not that I didn't get scoldings.. but mummy was always around. Now if (when) I become a mum, I would want to be like my mummy. Of course, I don't think I can dok rumah 24/7, but I dah berangan nak do part-time teaching and part-time writing so that I can still be in touch with the society. Point is, I don't mind taking part-time jobs and earning much, much less than what I am earning now.. just so I can devote more time for my hubby and kids. (Actually this is the only reason why I did my Master's and now, PhD.. it's just so that I can someday do part-time teaching, thanks to my string of degrees, insya Allah..)
3. I am loyal.. and submissive. I grew up in an environment where women are to be protected and men are to be respected. My mum never fails to salam tangan and kiss my dad every day sebelum dia pergi kerja dulu. It's like a habit for us too. My sister and I were trained to salam and kiss our parents before we go anywhere. Insya Allah, if (when) I have a hubby, I will do the same to my hubby. Maybe sebab tu I manja kot.. sebab I expect men to take care of me. My parents selalu pesan... setinggi mana pun pelajaran atau gaji, we should never bongkak atau think we are better than our partner.
So after all these, there are still men who think I ni "susah nak dijaga"? I bet they think I lead a fancy lifestyle.. earning big bucks (thanks to oil money)... asyik travel sana sini.. jetsetter lah katakan. Kan?
What they don't know is that I travel because it makes me happy. It's short term happiness.. because I am only happy during that duration when I travel. I don't have little children running to me and calling me "mummy". I don't have a hubby waiting for me in the evenings to listen to my office grouses.
So apa salahnya I find my happiness every few months kan?
Okay.. back to my friend.. I know she's facing the same problem. She can't help it that she earns more than him. But really, if you ask me, she wouldn't mind sharing what she has, with him. She may be loud and opinionated, but she knows where to draw the line. Her jokes are silly and crude.. but she definitely knows when to say them. Point is, she knows when to keep her mouth shut. She's tactful and polite and humble, even though she comes from a well-to-do family.
It's just too bad that the guy doesn't see it like that. Like it's just too bad that some of the men I've met, think I'm a spoilt, high maintenance brat.
Sigh...
But everything happens for a reason kan.. and I do believe that jodoh memang di tangan Tuhan. If dia ada jodoh di dunia ni, then she will meet a guy who will accept her for who she is..
So babe, don't be too sad ok? Heartbreaks are part of growing up, I guess. And over time, you will realize that marriage isn't always about the warm, fuzzy feeling. As you grow older, you will realize that you just want to marry someone who makes you smile. Someone who makes you a better person. Someone who wants you to be the mother of his kids.
Take care ok? And yes, as cliche as it may sound, it's his loss babe, for letting you go. Love you loads. xoxo.
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| So many quotes about marriages, but this is my ultimate favorite. And it's vice versa too. A man shouldn't marry a girl unless he would be proud to have a daughter exactly like her.. :) |
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